your history is mine
Tuesday, June 13, 2006

RELINK!
NATTHEMAD @ LJ

stupid blogger is done pissing me off. and im going to start a whole new "life" somewhere else. byebye bad and very few good memories!

x 11:11 pm x


go listen to 'tested and true' by secondhand serenade.

:D


x 12:28 am x

Sunday, June 11, 2006






just thought i'd put up some recent photos.

andy: that's the face i like to see you wearing. (: glad you're better now.

paul: hope you're okay now. please dont emo all. you have all of us (me, elias, ashley, cc, tiantian, majo, your family, etc.) with you always yea? this idol thing is what you wanted, so just enjoy it while it lasts. so just remember to call if you need to talk about anything okay. yes, we do miss you very much.

yea, and im just feeling a wee bit narcissistic today. that explains the first pic. haha.

x 1:11 am x

Thursday, June 08, 2006

hello im NatTheMad. and if im just bad news, then you're a liar.

wow. im amazed how you could put a lie on the net so openly. of course only a naive kid like me would believe whatever a sneaky old bastard like you told me. from the excuses you gave to this. not very honest from the start were you? wait, you dont have to answer that. you just totally contradicted yourself. you say im self justifying (a "saint" <-- seems like your favourite word to use to try to make someone look bad). you meet a girl and you tell her things to assure her you do like her, and now you say you never did like her. stop being such a coward. you think everyone thinks you're perfect. you think you're perfect, with your guitars, money and the genre of music you are into (im not saying indie is bad, you just think it makes you somewhat more matured/cool/whateverbull. HA!). you think i'd never read this? you think i'd keep it quiet or confront you personally? damn, if you could just set a big fat lie out like that to make yourself a "saaaaaint", then i dont mind telling you and everyone openly that you're just a creep. maybe your friends believe you, but i dont think you have many REAL friends in the first place, even your current close friends think there's something wrong with you. come on, you're practically 23, you hang out with people years younger than you. looks like your old schoolmates dont miss you as much as you miss them, and maybe when you stop lying and pretending to like/love someone, you'd have one less ex girlfriend in your little chart where you mark how many girls you've slept/dated/made out with. why are you even writing an entry about this when you say you DONT care (though after reading it this has provided me with some sort of emotional and mental stimulation)? when you have the guts to tell the truth and not half truths, maybe your penis would grow bigger from that pathetic party packed supermarket hotdog that it is now.


hmmm, i guess that's why you chose to write it all in third party. that's not being very direct now is it?

x 11:11 pm x








okay, and im too lazy to post anymore pictures or what. cause im also uploading them into my yahoo account. mhmmmm.

and recently, i've been hearing funky rumours about myself. woot. i dont get why people who are supposedly older and more matured are just so sad. okay, shall not generalise. yes, im pinpointing a few, and to be exact a few jc kids and a few people i sorta know. i dont get why telling each other that nat sleeps around is fun and entertaining. juicy, yes. but srsly. like come up with better gossip in the forum please. maybe nat ate a sock, or nat made out with a lampost, or nat humped her fender bass amp, or nat doesnt give a flying fuck about anything this funky anymore. i cant care who knows about what i did/didnt do anymore. i mean, if you want to confirm things, just come ask me lah, since you're that kaypoh. gawwwd.

okay, that's about it. my legs and my ass hurt. ):

x 12:59 am x

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

i've been up since two hours ago. it feels like the longest two hours of my life. and for some reason, i dont know why but im really really woozy today. i feel so disorganised. i think it's time i drew up a calendar for each month and note down where i have to be and all. yes, i know im like half the year late. oh yea, and now i remember i have to go for ij campfire later on. i cant even remember what time i wanna be there. i guess im not watching the clock as i usually do today. whywhywhywhy. i feel so blank today, and i really dont know why, but i feel so empty. i look for like the silliest things in the world to make myself laugh. maybe i just need to go to school and occupy myself. maybe i should go to church and pray. maybe i need my old friends around. maybe i just need to go back to upper thomson. i miss claire, ally, val, dhini and i cant remember who else. it used to feel so much like home. dont even ask me what home is. even if i knew what home was, it's not like i could go back or try to make things feel like home again. i really dont know. i really feel empty. i cant say i feel sad, cause im not. i definitely cannot say im happy, cause there are too many things just missing from this picture. the more i think about it, the less i want to do anything. oh well, i guess now that i have these two weeks, i can actually get around to taking photos or smth. ugh. the left side of my head hurts. brilliant.

anyways, here are some songs that somehow relate to how i feel/makes me feel better:
new american classic - taking back sunday
the song of songs - inhidings (shaun emo leong's band. haha.)
a lonely september - the plain white t's
suicide note - disagree
broken heart (acoustic) - dashboard confessional
there went the world - number one fan
i wont spend another night alone - the ataris
california - copeland

erm, okay. yea, i havent been listening to any screamy things, cause basically, nat doesnt feel angry or hurt. nat feels messed up, empty and blank. i think i better go get ready to leave my house and all. i feel like putting a picture up. but then maybe after tonight's campfire, i'd have something better to offer than whatever it is in my computer now.

x 4:27 pm x


getting off my chest, the story ends.



i thought you should know, you're not making this easy.

x 1:18 am x

Sunday, June 04, 2006

okay. i cannot update my blog regularly anymore due to the sudden disappearance of my wireless connection in my room. and right now im using my mom's computer, so yea. ugh. i actually have photos i wanna post but iom too lazy to fetch the card reader here and i know i can ask my dad for the password to our home's wireless, but i will get to doing that at a good time. so right now, you guys hold onto your panties and try not to cry, cause i have pictures of paul twohill coming up. yes, paul, CONGRATS. and his fan club thing is getting a bit weird and quite annoying. all these groupies ah, PAUL, MAKE THEM STOP FOLLOWING US TO PRATA HOUSE PLEASE. sheeeeeeeeeesh. okay, byebye.

it really sucks being wireless less. ):

x 2:43 pm x

Sunday, May 28, 2006

HALLOW. THIS IS HOW I SPEND MY SUNDAY:

WAKE UP AT 2PM
CHECK MY LAPPY
GO DOWN FOR LUNCH
COME BACK TO MY LAPPY
FALL ASLEEP INSTEAD OF GOING TO CHURCH
CHECK MY LAPPY AGAIN

AND IM STILL WAITING FOR THE NEXT THING TO HAPPEN. HI EVERYONE, THIS IS NAT HEADING FOR HELL. I HONESTLY CANNOT WAIT FOR TMR TO COME. GOING TO SCHOOL (OR BASICALLY GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE) GIVES ME A REASON TO LIVE. I AM REALLY GOING TO DIE A FAT DISGUSTING MORON NOW AND ROT ON THE LEFT SIDE OF HELL. HAWHAW.

okay, im seriously snapping. it must be the really really BAAAAAAAD photos i took ytd. i feel quite embarrassed looking at them. i really should've tested the effects before doing this and that and focusing myself! UGH. my compulsiveness thing is catching up to me again. wootwoot. i really need to get my act together. for what, i also dont know. HAHA. cause in rp, there's noooo homework to do. HAWHAW. so like i dont find myself learning anything new or anything at all. UGH. maybe i really should consider that flower arranging course my mom has been asking me to go for. HAWHAWHAWHAWHAWHAW. okay. lalalalalala. i wonder what's for dinner. or maybe my dad hsa given up on feeding me. my mom and brother are in bintan. i supp to go to bintan, but cause of church (which i didnt go to in the end) and mentorship which is after school tmr, i am still in shittypore missing out on taking pretty pictures of the clean and white beaches of bintan. GAH. okay, like in a few seconds you all may go see LATEST PHOTOS for some of bismuth's gig photos. i took like daaaaaaaamn alot lah. cb. but yet it doesnt look that fantastic. STUPID SHIT NAT BRAIN ME. okay. yea. it's better to click on SLIDESHOW VIEW rather than look at them one by one yea.

so things you should do this evening if you're bored:
click on "latest photos"
go to album "BISMUTH @ westmall"
and click "slideshow view"
BUT remember to press the "stop" button cause then you can look at them leisurely,
by clicking on the "next" (>>) button of course.

YUP. okay. go knock yourselves out. BYE.

x 7:23 pm x

Saturday, May 27, 2006





finally it's a friday! i tell you, i havent even done my rj and it's past 11.59pm. HAHA. like a... OH SHIT. yes, im gonna get a D or smth lah. fuckk. it's like saturday alrdy. and bismuth will be gigging at westmall today at 4.45pm. yea, westmall is like bukit batok. /: and bong, im sorry i couldnt make it for your gig. ): i'll try my best to be at your next though. watched xmen at lido this evening after school. wasnt all that great though. /: but at least i wasnt like really bored. haha. that's it i guess. till tmr when i post more photos or smth.

END.

x 3:12 am x

Thursday, May 25, 2006

as my classmate, charles, asked me online ths evening... another nat holiday? well, yes. it is a nat holiday! hahaha. spent it with chris and gradually met others along the way. i guess it was pretty fun though we hardly did anything but eat, walk around, steal some boxes, etc. haha. yes, we shall have photos. (:













OKAY. no morezxzxzx. yea, im going to school tmr lah. shutttuppppzx. haha. okay. night!

x 11:38 pm x

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

wahh. i tell you. i cannot remember stuff properly today lah. forgot i had UT, forgot to bring pens, forgot to bring jacket, forgot to bring mp3, and forgot the other stuff i forgot lah. geeees.

anyways, i seriously think people cant read though they visit this blog so often enough to tag dumb comments. like helloooo... dont be annonymous- im not entertained by you and neither will i entertain you by feeling all hurt cause you all dislike me. dont you guys have anything better to do? grow up lah. you say im rude? like hello? you're childish and low-lifed to even visit this page only to insult me. daaaymn... FUCK OFF. i could go check your ip and trace you, but i dont. cause i honestly think you dont deserve to be looked up, and neither do i have that much spare time to. and just for the record, yes, i do hang out with guys more often than i hang out with girls these days, so if that makes me a slut, then you must be pretty superficial to judge me this way. i hope you had fun reading this entry, cause it's specially dedicated to you. so scraaaaaaaam!

okay, im done. and im like a daaaamn tired, i deserve some sleep now. good night. (:

x 11:00 pm x

Monday, May 22, 2006

stupid msn is not letting me sign in. i feel really annoyed. wheeee. ):

anyways, im getting quite annoyed with the anonymous taggers on my tagboard. please ah... leave your name. especially if you have something nasty to say. do it with some guts please. dumb cunts.

x 11:25 pm x


When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

x 10:06 pm x

Sunday, May 21, 2006

orientation camp. was daaaamn tiring. anyway... some photos from over the weekend.










andy, if you get to read this. i pray that you will be okay. im really scared you did that. please know you were never alone.

x 3:04 pm x

Friday, May 19, 2006

haha. school today was awesome... cause i didnt go. HAHA. chris, ash, shaun and i decided to go on a holiday at sentosa a bit. hahaha. though we did a lot of stoning and burying of chicken bones, it was wayyy better than going to school lah. heh. met the band after that and all. it's been soooo long since wilfy, chris, leslie and i hung out. and also leon joined us, cause he's our new rhythm guitarist. it kinda feels really different without bryan, but i guess change is good. yup.

anyways, im too lazy to use photo bucket to post pics here now. so just go to "latest photos" in a bit. cause im uploading the photos i took today. the album title would be "escaping rp @ sentosa". hahahaha. and donn, too bad you didnt come! ): anyways, hope your arm and everything else is okay. tmr is our stewwwpit orientation camp, which ends mega late. and that pisses me off. im still leaving at 6.45, i dont care! stupid shit. im not missing elias's gig for a camp.

x 11:42 pm x

Thursday, May 18, 2006

maybe it's cause im this invisible to you, and you're that oblivious to me.

IF I TOLD YOU THAT THIS WAS KILLING ME, WOULD YOU STOP?



so drain out my lungs, before the fluid brings a choke.

x 7:49 pm x

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

okay. i am seriously damn damn damn damn damn DAAAAAAAMN pissed with myself. i accidently deleted like A WHOLE LOAD of photos in my camera sd card, that i was meaning to upload in like five minutes from now. but nooo. I ACCIDENTLY DELETED EVERY FUCKING FILE IN IT. so i cant even go to the damn recycling bin to retrieve it. you may ask why i deleted them all like that. well, cause there were TWO of the same files in the card when i open it in the computer, and it just so happened i couldnt save one picture i decided to edit, due to too much memory space being used. then i so smartly thought if i deleted one of the folders, i would have twice as much memory space. AND SO I DID. then when i opened the other file, WHOOHOO! IT IS ALL GONE TOO. STUPID SHIT HEAD. i dont even know what to blame. my computer or myself. okay, myself. since i didnt bother backing up the files. UGH. i am so so so frickkkingggg pissedddd!! piece of shit lah. knnbccb! ):

and as you can see, i have NO photos to put on this entry though i took sooo many with andy today. ARGH. fuck lah! STUPID SHIT ME. and WHY did my stupid memory card have double of EVERYTHING in the first place?! STUPID. ): im damn annoyeddd. GAHH!

x 10:04 pm x

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

it's ironic how i feel so damn tired and not able to talk to most people online atm,
but im able to blog. ha. oh, and i have to email in my stupid writing to cheng, the scriptwriting facil, for our mentorship. i have no idea what possessed me to turn off my lappy and manually write down my piece when i was in school. ugh. now i have to transfer it into word doc and find cheng's email allll over again. /: oh well, besides that i feel like putting pictures up.



cheers to ally, whom made it seem we would be inseparable. and to ash, whom i never thought i'd have to see everyyyydayy and is always online talking to me. HAHA.

okay, now i have to do that stewwwpit email. i kinda dont wanna send it, cause it's a little personal. /:

x 10:06 pm x

Monday, May 15, 2006



there are so many ways to look at a simple object like this lamp standing in my room. however, these are only four ways i came up with, cause if i were to look for more, i doubt you'd see an end to this entry. my point is, if i took the negativity given and tried to turn it around, i would've constructed an empire of improvement for myself. likewise, if i took positivity rewarded to me, i could gloat over my winnings and grow complacent over a period of time and neglect the need to prove others i could do so much better.



for you, i'd keep my chin up and my smile brighter than any lightbulb.

x 8:59 pm x

Sunday, May 14, 2006

haha. okay. so like im really bored now, since it's another boring sunday afternoon. and im sure whoever comes here would be bored too. so umm... we'll have a little game! :D

SPOT THE SIMILARITIES!







hahahahahahaha. sorry, i used a camera phone to take those. so it's not as clear.

okay, and a bonus question, see if you can guess who this is. (:



no prizes though. hahahahaha. :D and donn and the other person... please dont kill me! hahahaha.

GOOD DAY! :D

x 4:12 pm x


okay. im in the least compassionate of moods right now.

i dont know why, but these days it feels i have a million people talking to me online and stuff. it is actually quite annoying considering how im trying to do something on the other side of my lappy and here you are demanding i entertain you. and just cause i seem nocturnal doesnt mean i dont sleep at all. like... puhhleease! okay, i dont know what's sooo fun about talking to me, considering for a long part of a convo im just saying phrases such as... 'haha, okay.' or 'hmmm, okay.' or 'oh okay' or 'okay cool' or 'wtf? haha.', etc. like... booooringgg! there is a box that has been invented over a decade or two ago called the 'television'. and of course i couldnt tell you to fuck off cause it's just dead rude and im not driven to the point that i'd tell you to, yet. the weirdest part is sometimes people ask me stupid questions on photography and other weird redundant questions. there's google, yahoo, msn.com, etc. on the internet for you all to source out your answers. im not much of a photographer or whatever you perceive me to be. and if you wanna know so much 'how i am', why dont you just come to my blog everyday and see what i say on it. i update on a more or less daily basis and im usually honest on my blog. dont worry, im not pin-pointing anyone right now. cause there are a few whom i do bother to go ahead and drop a 'hello!' on. i do appreciate the occasional sweet message that show you still care about how i am and all, though we've not been talking so often recently. and if i happen to always participate actively in your window (as in the conversation has 5 words or more in most sentences instead of 'haha's and 'oh okay's and the other examples i've given as mentioned just now), it means that i enjoy talking/like you... or maybe it's just your lucky day.

another thing i'd like to vent out now is how secondary school kids are getting more and more immatured. yes, generalising is a bad thing and i do have a handful of friends who seem fine, but for the rest of you squirts, it's like... omg! JUST GET A LIFE ALRDY, KIDS. i dont blame you guys entirely for being so... superficial actually. like how you choose your friends and all based on how "cool" they are. i guess it's pretty much the longing you get in those adolescent years and crap like that. "ooh, my friend has piercings all over his face, it's damn cool. im thinking of getting a few myself!" or "hey, you know so-and-so? that is so cool lah!" or "my friend is in a band, i must support him and be all scene like that." or "my boyfriend plays guitar/drums/bass/sings in that band and he is soo cute lah.", etc. firstly, what is it about you that you dislike sooo much your friends and all are so much hang-out worthy and you're not? oh wait, maybe cause you're so shallow and superficial that everyone else who looks "cool" and "scene" like that is worth more attention than you'll ever be. like... since when you became a shadow? ha. and what's up with controversey and all anyway? you see gay boys/girls here and there and you think it's cool?! so you make out with your best friend saying you two love each other and it's right to act all lesbian? erm... hello, earth to attentionwhore? you're not gay, so kissing (not even making out!) your best friend isnt a turn on or sexy at all. and since when being gay was ever really sexy and all anyway? it's such a novelty now, you can hardly tell if a person is really bi, or not sure, gay, straight. okay, i understand, it's that whole phase you go thru in sec school right? it's called puberty, you n00b. everyone grows out of it, so if you think it's cool to stand out/act "older" than you are, wake up now if you think all the stuff you do, is what the older "cooler" people are engaging in. you're just part of another trend. how cool is that? just concentrate on studying hard for once!

i do not appreciate comments on this post. i am merely venting and letting off some steam as usual. cause it always feels like im being heard here, though i dont exactly know who listens and who doesnt. you may have some really unhappy things to say... esp if you're one of those secondary school n00bs. but as i said before... i was generalising, and there are a handful of people who are more or less okay or have grown out of that stupid phase. if you want to object to this post, then i guess you're really guilty of being a n00b and yes, you're not really cool at all. but really, thanks for being sooo concerned about what i think. haha. you really do suck.



you can be non-conforming too, if you looked just like me.

x 4:11 am x




yea, vertical rush was good. though i think i like surreal better. and yes, ashley SAN DOOKZXZ took that cool picture of me having ice cream, though i think i look like a retard when i eat. didnt get to buy any vr tees. ): and i had carls junior dinner with ash. yayza! it was quite filling i must say. and ash thinks i eat quite a lot and quite fast for a girl. HAHA. sometimes i think im meant to be a guy. fuck tup lah. hahahaha. okay no. anyways, tmr is mother's day. and there's no point trying to get anything for my mom cause she doesnt really want anything from us, and it's always super hard to get my mom presents, and now that she owns a flower shop, it's even harder to get her anything at all! /: geees. so yea, i shall make her a card later or smth. right now... i really have nothing more to say. so yea. byebye!



and i hope your majesty that you like your position

x 12:18 am x

Saturday, May 13, 2006



okay, not really. i just wanted to put a pic up lah. haha. went for the surreal and vertical rush gig today at the esplande, but vertical rush got cancelled today. so tmr! :D yayza! for second chances. yup. and im damn lazy to type stuffs out... not like i have much to say today anyways, considering it is actually another dumb public holiday and there's like hardly anything to do! 'cept go for a gig of course. heh. feels so saturday lah, sorta? yea. well surreal was great as usual. I LIKE THE PROPOSAL SONG BEST, ELIAS- YOU FLUMP! so yea. HEHEZXZXZX <-- hahahaha. okay, yea. and i still dont feel like typing soo much. so i shall have one more pic which i took last week on sunday evening. (:



dont even try stealing it, cause it's been water marked by me. nyeh!

and i'll be cathing vertical rush tmr with ash. yay, vr! :D well, good night!

x 1:54 am x

Thursday, May 11, 2006

okay, like seriously, one of he most annoying things in life is typing something damn long out and then clicking 'publish' but the stupid server or host you use sucks and doesnt save your work. DAMN ITTTTT!!! im now considering switching to livejournal or diary-x or smth else instead of stooooopid blogger.

okay, but i feel ten times better after typing all that out and clicking send, despite my misfortune. ): i shall then summarize... no, actually i wont. cause even my summary has too much to say. so yea, the only thing that really makes me feel uber moody now, is the fact that i still dont have my PAOPAOCHA! hahahahaha. i want a strawberry ice blended, i dont care how gay it is cause colin and kero always indulge in it. hahahahhahahaha. I WANT A GHEY PAOPAOCHA!

ugh. /:

i had a habit of dying.

x 11:04 pm x

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

im feeling all woozy now.

tmr there's another UT to do. lucky for me, it's definitely not math or science. i actually hope we shuffle groups tmr for enterprise. ugh. complicated why so. and im hoping tmr will be a good day. cause im certainly having the stupid mid week blues, but i cant stand the fact that friday is a public holiday AGAIN. ugh. my stupid internet connection at home sucks today. stupid stupid STUPID shit. oh look, dc again! dumb shit. okay, im just moody pissy grumpy me. GAH! and i promise NOTHING can cheer me up at this point of time. cause im just too pissy. oh yea, and i have to go back to ij tmr to get my olevel cert during my lunch. woodlands is really kinda far from toa payoh. sigh. fuck tuppp. and i just dont have anyone to complain to... or at least right now im just keeping it inside cause i think it's stupid to type it alllll out here for people to read. yea, i just gotta let the world know im all pissy today.

well, i hope your week isnt shit like mine.

rocks tonic juice magic
heart is on the floor, why dont you just step on it?
when i think of all the things you've done.

-saves the day

im feeling emo, but im not emo. so just fuck off!

x 10:56 pm x

Monday, May 08, 2006

neeenawrrrr.

yes hello. today was pretty weird. in the morning i felt grumpy cause i had to rush out and i forgot my socks, so i was too lazy to go to my room to get it, and wore slippers instead. my allowance wasnt settled properly either. sheesh! so yea. reached the mrt pretty late, plus, donn decided not to come to school since she was late. donn, you really gotta wake yourself up and get your act together now please! ): yea, felt kinda crummy till like 9.30am. cause when i opened my LEO (some funky RP online thing to check my daily grades and assignments, etc.), i found out i got an A on my communications for last week. ((((: yes, my first A! :D well, was pretty euphoric for like a few hours till i had a crap lunch. cause my sore throat hurts like bitch when i eat anything spicy. haha, yes, serves me right for being sooo stewwwpitt, right? sorry lah. gees. we had to sign up for our orientation prog during lunch break today. and the stupid lian sitting behind the lappy couldnt pronounce my name right. what nitaliawhatwhatWHAT?! stupid bitch. anyways! yea, was pretty okay in class before the lecturer took like extra half an hour break for herself. in fact i was a bit mad and fell off my chair while pretending to be a bat, cause they insisted on turning the lights in class off, i felt like i was in some cave. HAHAHAHA. shut up. yea, then the presentation was fucking crap and finally we got to leave! YAYZA. but i had to stay back for rp's art school first year students mentorship programme. it's actually a production of a play. from script writing to producing to performing. i dont know yet what i'll be doing specifically, but we all get a chance, it kinda helps you build your portfolio. the timetable is quite tight. and i'll be staying back in school for like practically this whole week till about 7 or 7.30pm. yup, so i've committed myself to this for the next three months. (: oh yea, and just so you know, it will actually be performed at the Singapore Art Museum, Woodlands CC and RP itself.

met chris and shaun and headed to the library. we were slightly late, and this time it wasnt my fault. haha. honestly, i think people in the art/design school (at rp and where ever) are just damn mad or damn enthu. i dont think im rather enthu, due to my introvertness (if there's such a word). so basically i stuck to chris, shaun and chris's classmate, amir, the whole time. and i did realise that i have to go thru the whole "make new friends" thing again. yes, more funky names that i cannot remember! /: it was kinda interesting actually... meeting cheng, our facil for scriptwriting. what outlandish roly-poly apples, chlorophyllic piles of iparella, grumpy red mullet all. hahaha. there was this whole list of things describing a market in Ueno, Japan. yup and then we had to describe a picture we had in our minds, like it was talking to us. pretty interesting. and i think i shall put it up here. it's worth sharing i guess?



In this one you are standing with your left hand on your lower back, with your head held up towards the sky and your legs wide apart and your body arched back, your right hand is the stand for your microphone as you sing your lungs out. Each bead of perspiration that lines your forehead glistens as the red and violet spotlights fix themselves on centre stage. I cannot tell if the flashes I had seen were from other photographers or merely childhood memories. The crowd is at your feet like a sea of rioters punching the air and screaming every lyric that falls from your lips and caressed by your voice, all participating to grace your swansong, before you take flight to where the Aborigines are natives and the silhouette of a kangaroo salutes the largest island on our blue planet.

yea, well the pic is of nigel at the doubleyellowline gig. it was one of his last gigs with 4th avenue held at the youth park on 19th nov 2005. yes, i still remember the date and all. cause as he was proclaiming to everyone on his msn nickname, "an unforgettable gig!". anyways, nigelly, (: if you happen to read this, please know we cant wait till july when you come back. :D i miss you!

that's about it for today. tmr there's science UT. and i havent studied jack. /: i only can hope i wake on time and that the test wont be too difficult. though i think it's open book? hmmm. well, good night, everyone! tmr's another long day with my mentorship prog and all.

btw, i scored another A for enterprise! (: that's TWO As on that week for me. :D heh heh!

x 11:34 pm x

Sunday, May 07, 2006

nora and ally.



just look at ally's face. HAHA!

anyways, i miss you both very very much. (:

x 1:43 am x

Friday, May 05, 2006

yes, im blogging again. yes, im bored again. yes, i find blogging therapeautic.
well, sort of...

ANYWAYS. today was and is still totally shitty (refer to prev post). my throat is still hurting and as sore as how it was since 11am. i have no idea hwo a sore throat could creep up on me like that. oh well, sucks lah. i have done everything in my power to soothe an get rid of my sore throat, except indulge in an after-dinner chocolate fudge cake. yes, i know, so much for drinking gallons of water and gargling my mouth with warm salt water. but i needed to have a slice so so sooo badly, though i had like two slices last night. and it felt good on my throat too, it was so smooth and not too rich as it slid down my gullet. fwaaaaaa. yes, i was having a chocolate orgasm for like five minutes. so like now that temporary high is gone, im just sitting here wondering what the fuck to do on a friday evening on my own. i dont know why, but i just wanted to be alone today. /: elias, cc, heider and gang are out now at esplanade hanging out or smth. while i sit here thinking about the last two months or so of my life. and i realise i havent actually said much/summarized it all properly. so yea, here goes nothing...

school + social life
im getting used to school, though i dislike a certain someone that i have to see on thursdays/fridays due to being forced into a team with him. and i dont like doing math or science in poly cause it's a fucking joke and the teachers are not nice. i realise i dont really like the female teachers in my school. i like doing enterprise skills best cause i understand the teacher and it's pretty easy and would sorta help me out in future. SORTA. so yea. oh, and the dude never gives me Cs, not yet at least. so yea. it's coolza. :D i made quite a few friends, though most of them are merely accquaintances/class colleagues. yes... class colleagues. cause we only work together in teams on certain days in class. nyehh. i've realised what weird people there are in this world ever since rp. and though some of them are alright and sorta cute, there are just those like "chevyyy" who really knows how to take the piss and shove it up yours. oh yea, and whenever you smoke in the stairs, there's a friggin annoying announcement that goes on for at least ten minutes telling you not to smoke. and it doesnt just say, 'please do not smoke on the campus'. it's a bloody long national day message telling you not to harm the environment and keeping it clean and i dunno what the fuck else! gawwwd. but overall, im glad donn's in the same school, and ash too. and yes chris, im glad i've met you too, but it's mainly cause i know ash lah. AND I KNOW YOU READ MY BLOG, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL TAG. haha. i havent seen ally for quite a while actually. okay, i saw her a week ago, but it's not like we hang out that often anymore. so yea. phooey. i wonder how it's like over at green... how is claire and nicole, tessa, hetts, josh, kkb, shaun, etc., etc. well, i miss you all.

home
things are okay, im not sure what's been up with my parents or anything, cause i come home at around 5.30pm - 6pm everyday after school. and i spend most of my time locked up in my room and doing stuffssss on my lappy. like right now. but seriously, there's nothing to do in my house. and im not helping out in the shop, cause i just feel weird around the employees. okay, i still have that weird problem of feeling comfortable around people i dont know and stuff. gah!

my "love" life
it's pretty non-existent if you noticed. there are no more sad or extremely cheerful song lyrics on my blog. things have happened in such a short time, unfortunately things died out quite fast too. up till now, im not really sure if i did the right thing. but im positive whatever has been done will blow over on the other party's part... cause that's how it always is isnt it? yup, so i guess as long as he's fine and im managing, it will be okay. i doubt im being missed anyways. and i noticed everyone has been breaking up or smth recently, what's up with that? donn and i actually made a song out of it. 'tis the season to be single! falalalalalalalala!. yea, lame i know, but we do funky things in school when we're together alone. wootwoot. HAHA. so yea. nyehh. the rest of it is just a secret (and im NOT referring to donn now).

her black despondency + band matters
well, bryan is resigning as rhythm guitarist. so we will be looking out for a new one. and i dont care if mr ee himself reads this but i think it was pretty inconsiderate of him to not tell us personally he wanted out of the band. just look at his stupid msn nickname. like helloooo? you could just tell us or smth instead of letting us discover it for ourselves. /: what if we all didnt have internet or we didnt see you come online? have you left your brain somewhere else again? like srsly. GROW UP!!!!!! and im actually thinking of an indie band. ALLY, HETTS, WHERE THE HELL ARE BOTH OF YOU? oh yea, i remember our problem... DRUMMER. ugh. so yea, we're as good as non-existent. and honestly, im not really interested in forming a band with people im not that close to... like my classmates who are begging me to be bassist. but really, i just dont think i could form a band with people of too different opinions and all, and we still dont have a drummer anyway. gees. /:

personal asssignments/portfolio building
i've joined his mentorship programme in school that is for all first year students in the school of technology and arts (STA)... or smth technology with arts dunnowhat lah. it's actually a production for a play. so we'll be doing stuff like script writing, performing, sound, stage management, lighting, etc. and im pretty excited about it cause it's gonna be for like three months and after school on most weekdays. so i wont be so bored, plus i get to meet more people who are in the STA. (: so far i know chris, shaun and bird have signed up. so yea, yay! i know peoples. yup. i havent been taking many photos recently for gigs or anything, apart from random snapshots that are not gallery worthy at all. cause paul and elias have been pretty busy with their own stuff (paul = potential sg idol, elias = potential o'level 6 pointer). so yea, through the discord hasnt been gigging and that means, im a starving artist. well, sorta. BUT i have more jobs now! haha. okay, it's more like i've been recently recruited as bismuth's photographer too by chris. (: so for any upcoming bismuth shows, i'll be there. im only a novice at photography, so i just hope to do a lot better than expected. and im actually thinking of giving up bass to get a camera and do a short course or smth. /: well, yea... i just really wanna do better in design and stuff better than any design student where ever they would be from. donn if you read this, that includes you too! haha. honestly, though i take lots of band pics, i actually prefer taking skylines, sunsets, scenery and things with concepts in them. rather than miscellaneous objects or things like that. so i guess im planning to take a trip down/up to somewhere soon to take some good photos with the nikon. and if i went to arab street again, IM DEFINITELY BRINGING MY NIKON and going before it gets dark. anyone interested in accompanying me? call me!

things im looking forward to this month:
more band photography... i hope, im actually not sure.
going to bintan on the 25th! i get to take more photos. (:
engaging in more photography and going on my own little "expeditions".
mentorship programme in school.
getting As in classes. HAHA!
my sore throat to go away.
gigs gigs gigs.
jamming with the band again.

yup, okay. that's all for now, and im pretty amazed and grateful if you came to read this entry up till here. lol. so if you did just read my whole line of ramblings, please do tag my board and tell me so, i'll really really appreciate knowing you gave so much a damn about me, though im this insignificant. haha. (:

<33

see. i feel better already! :D

x 9:07 pm x


ripped this off a friendster bulletin.

FIVE THINGS YOU DID IN SECONDARY SCHOOL?
. studying
. wasting my life
. ponning classes
. seeing my friends
. cake fights

FIVE OF YOUR FAVOURITE SINGERS/BANDS?
. eighteen visions
. funeral for a friend
. atreyu
. scary kids scaring kids
. secondhand serenade

FIVE THINGS YOU WOULD DO IF YOU WERE A MILLIONAIRE
. pig out
. redecorate/furnish my room
. get a new bass
. fix my phone
. buy more clothes and shoes

FIVE BAD HABITS
. my stupid twitching
. my eating habits
. sleeping late
. too much internet
. going into my own world

FIVE THINGS YOU LIKE DOING
. designing
. photography
. hanging out with friends
. reading my books
. playing the bass

FIVE THINGS YOU WILL NEVER WEAR, BUY OR GET
. yellow clothes
. orange clothes
. streetwear rubbish
. those gross ah beng tees
. those studded jackets skinheads wear

FIVE FAVOURITE THINGS
. photoshop
. my cameras
. my phone
. music i listen to
. assorted stationery

and yes, im in school supposedly having class. my throat hurts like fuck, i dunno why. causse i always drink plenty of water. and i have a fucking ulcer under my tongue. i hope it doesnt grow any bigger. anyways, im so tired and we're doing science today. it fucking sucks lah. and chev is being so fucking gay. he's been throwing tantrums in class and all a lot, cause we all are just damn annoyed and disgusted by him. you have no idea why so. gawwd, such a pussy. i cant wait for today's class to end! and im just gonna stay home this weekend i guess, since im in such a bad mood. i seriously dont believe that today go from suckfest to hell. it started out by raining lah. cb. i hate rain. and science. and yes, i dislike chev very very very much. CB.

x 1:13 pm x

Thursday, May 04, 2006



WHEN DONN DOES NOT COME TO SCHOOL, I FEEL SAD AND UN-MAGICAL. ):

yup, today i was pretty lonely in school without donn. as i said, everyone else has made friends or smth alrdy. i made friends too... but they're not in my class. -__-" like what's the point then right? heh. yea, so like i had lunch with chris and his friends. i kinda felt a little out cause they're all his classmates. luckily i didnt need to really talk to them much. yes, i suck at this making friends thing no matter how nice people can be. /: sheeeesh. the mock UT today was alright i guess, i was halfway through the last question when my time was up. like whoopee. tmr we have basic science. i HATE science. and partly cause the teacher sucks shit or maybe her own tits, that's why they are so saggy, like ewwwza! (haha). yea. i doubt i'll ever get an A for science cause stupid "chevyyy" is in my group and we all just cant get along with him. and that tommy keeps making fun of me and him. not like there's any nat + chevalier. yes, his name is CHEVALIER. okay, i feel quite bad typing all this out. cause like there's a chance he might read it somehow... well, it's a slim chance anyway. cause in class, only bird knows my blog addy. and remember my francine pascal series? yes, im still in the middle of vol. 20! which is amazing, cause i usually finish one volume in like a day. i guess school and all that travelling takes up huge chunks of your time. oh well. i could read during the time taken to travel, but im either just too sleepy or lazy to get it out of my bag. so yes, im still trying to finish this book and get on with the next few in the series. haha. and omg, it's just so sad lah, the way everything in the book seems. OKAY, enough about my book. this isnt a book review or anything like a book report. heh. righttt. sigh... im alrdy dreading the thought of school tmr, i hope donn is on time/early, so we can walk to school together and all again. i feel as if i havent seen her in a longgg time. hahahahaha. okay, i saw her like yesterday. but it still feels weird okay. and i realise my blog entries are pretty long. so i shall stop now. not like i have anymore to talk about. i guess im trying to tear myself away from all the fuckshit i constantly think about. and being really tired/sleepy today doesnt make it any better. ):

btw, HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM. though i hope you never ever ever read this.



i detach myself again- it's better this way.

x 8:43 pm x

Wednesday, May 03, 2006



yes, donn and i, are officially anti-boys! okay, not quite. BUT YEA. BOYS ARE STUPID, AND YOU SHOULD THROW ROCKS AT THEM! it is the right thing to do! :D



who would want faces like these anyway? kuku.

tomorrow's the mock understanding test (UT). I AM NOT GOING TO HAVE FUN BEING ON TIME. ugh!

oh yea, and i caught the clock running at 11.11 again! like just. yayza! im lucky! (: i hope.

x 11:13 pm x



i choke back each tear that bleeds
-august in bethany-

fuck, everytime i listen to that song, it reminds me of that stupid slutbaghoe. ):


anyways, recently, i've been inspired. (: in fact, i've been quite motivated suddenly somehow to want to do well in something. im not sure what, but today in class was a start. i actually wanted to do well for the communications module. like actually aimed for an A. and i think i put 101% in today's stuff. hahaha. only 101% cause i kinda got tired along the way. i was so determined, i promise! i think i deserve at least a B. (: yup. cause i practically did everything for my group and presented more stuff than any of them. partly cause i really do want that A and partly cause they were so clueless on what to do. /: lol. well, tmr's another chance for me to get an A. haha! and gawwwd, i know this sounds damn gay (like something you'd get off http://colinandkero.blogspot.com), but i desperately want an strawberry ice blended! yes, with those "pearls". haha. (: im just uber thirsty now, i swear. and i dunno why, but i want something fruity but just not apple or stupid orange, and im kinda tired of other citrus flavours like lime and lemon. so yea, something with berry in it. :D okay, imma thirsty derranged nat. /: but hell! i really want that ice blended! lol. apparently they sell it in school, i think it's at the cafe... which is always sofa king packed with kids, you'd just give up after five minutes into the queue. lol. i'll try during lunch, when i have like two and a half hours to line up... well, sorta. /: okay, yup. that's about it. oh, and i would appreciate models actually, if you think you're pretty/delicate/sensual-yet-broken-looking enough for a picture, no experience whatsoever needed. (: cause i would really love you to help me out a bit. and i wouldnt be hogging the camera all the time too. haha. (:

well, that's about it, it's almost 1am, i needa sleeeep! more A's to conquer!
i mean... earn. lol. (: BYEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

x 12:25 am x

NAT

natalie jean ho
131189
republic poly )):
ex chijtp sec/pri
nat__x@hotmail.com


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